


Saying Goodbye..

by RaineZylox



Series: Dalthzar Drabbles [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-27
Updated: 2012-11-27
Packaged: 2017-11-19 16:25:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/575263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaineZylox/pseuds/RaineZylox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After 'God' Castiel leaves.. Dean goes looking for Balthazar only to discover that Castiel has killed him.  So he is left to say his last goodbyes to the man he loved..</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saying Goodbye..

**Author's Note:**

> Note: This takes place with an already established relationship between the two.

After Castiel had went all God crazy and disappeared, Dean only had one thought on his mind. Balthazar. Balthazar had promised that he would be there, to help put a stop to Castiel crazy plan to take the souls from purgatory. Dean knew that Balthazar wouldn't back out now, he had promised. So that meant only one thing.. something had gone wrong. 

Dean began to frantically pray for the angel, trying to get him to appear, to know that he was alright. Dean didn't think that Castiel would actually kill Balthazar… though then again he never thought Castiel would be stupid enough to make a Deal with Crowley. 

When Balthazar wasn't answering, Dean felt his heart drop into his stomach. Dean felt like he was going to be sick. _No no.. this can’t be happening no…not him.. anyone but him.._ That was the only thing that was running through his mind, those thoughts over and over again. He found himself praying to a god he knew for a fact didn't give a rats ass.. that Balthazar was ok.. that he was just tied up.. busy with something else.   
Though Dean   
couldn't fight the nagging thought in the back of his mind that told him otherwise. Dean ignored the thought with everything he had in him, no he refused to believe that Balthazar was dead. There was no way the snarky little blond angel could be dead, just no way. Dean was trying to remember what Balthazar had told him the last time he saw him…trying to remember where he said he was going. That is when Dean remembered, Balthazar had left to go answer Castiel’s summons.. at the building they were currently in.

Dean felt his heart drop even more, that defiantly wasn't a good sign. In that moment Dean knew that the only thing that mattered now was finding Balthazar.. hell he would search this whole damn building to make sure that Balthazar wasn't there, that he had gotten away unharmed by Castiel.

Dean quickly went about searching the rooms, ignoring the calls of Bobby and Sam. Dean knew it was crazy to check every room, but he had to. He had to make sure that Balthazar wasn't here..that he wasn't..that he wasn't… no he couldn't even say those words, wouldn't even think the thought.

Dean had went about searching over half of the building before he found him… or what was left of him. It was a small room, though Dean paid no attention to the contents of the room.. except for the one thing.. the one sight he hoped he would never live to see. 

There in the middle of the room on the ground.. was Balthazar.. Dead. The burnt marks left behind by his once beautifully tan, red-ish brown wings. Dean could see the small pool of blood.. and the wound left behind by the angel blade that he was sure had belonged to Cas. 

Dean felt his whole world shattering around him, his love.. his Balthazar was dead. Dean hadn't been able to keep him safe.. like had promised. Dean quickly ran over to the body, his legs gave out from under him and he barely even felt his knees slam onto the floor. Dean pulled the dead body of his lover into his arms. Dean clung to the corpse for dear life, even knowing somewhere in the back of his mind he knew this was no longer Balthazar.. no this was just the corpse of the vessel the angel had once occupied.

Dean felt the tears pouring down his face, hot and fresh.. he didn't care though. All that mattered was that he had failed Balthazar.. he couldn't keep him safe. This was all his fault, if he hadn't asked for Balthazar’s help.. then none of this would have ever happened.

“Balthazar.. no.. please…please.. you can’t be… you can’t be dead… Please…I’m begging you…” his voice came out cracked and hoarse. “I’m sorry….this …all my fault.. I fucked up….I couldn't keep him from you…why… why did you go?.. why didn't you just stay with Sam and me… I should have..I should have never let you go alone…Baby…please..I need you….please don’t be dead….please…” 

Dean knew his begging and pleading was pointless, Balthazar had been long dead, the body was cold. Dean hated himself, he hated the fact that Balthazar died.. that he was killed because of Castiel’s stupid actions. Dean knew he should have tried harder to keep Balthazar from going to see Castiel. Dean knew it was risky.. but he figured that Castiel would never kill Balthazar..they had too much history together.. though apparently he had been wrong.. Underestimated Castiel’s need for power…for those stupid souls. 

“Balthazar..I love you..I love you so much… I never said it enough… but god I love you.. I can’t live without you… I can’t… please..I need you… I promise….to do more things that you want to do… I’ll even let you dress me… and and.. We will go on that fancy vacation you wanted… and I’ll even let you pick out a house for us..it can be as fancy as you want… just please… baby…please don’t leave me…please…”

Dean gripped on tighter to the dead body, not caring that he was getting blood all over himself, none of that mattered. Dean had lost the one good thing.. the one good thing he had going for him. Dean’s whole body was shaking as he sobbed into the neck of the dead angel. 

Dean didn't know how long he had been there.. just holding and whispering and begging and pleading to whoever was listening. Hell Dean even prayed to Castiel, prayed that he would do whatever Castiel wanted, anything at all.. if he brought Balthazar back, because he was the new god right? So he could bring Balthazar back. Though no one seemed to be listening.

Eventually his whispers and sobs turned into anger, and he began to curse and threaten and yell profanities at everything he could think of. Mostly Castiel though, he knew in that moment he would vow to get revenge.. he would make Castiel pay. Dean would hunt him down like the monster Castiel had become. The yelling and screaming and sobbing went on for what felt like days.. though he was sure it had only been 2 hours or so.

Finally his voice couldn't take the yelling anymore, it was raw. Though he didn't feel any of the physical pain of it all. Dean kept his head buried into Balthazar’s cold body.. pressing him close, not wanting to ever let go. After a while he began to sing.. ever so softly.. he began to sing the their song.. the stupidly cheesy Journey song. Dean had always complained about how over rated Journey was, and would complain even more when Balthazar claimed Faithfully would be ‘their song’ . Though in this moment of mourning.. he couldn't help but think of the song. .that that beautifully British voice would sing.. and he didn't even realize he was singing softly.. his voice broken and soft..as if he was only singing to Balthazar. 

_“Though space and time…always another show..wondering where I am lost without you…”_ Dean’s voice was beyond broken.. and he was horribly off tune, but none of that mattered to him right now. _“and being apart ain't easy on this love affair..Two strangers learn to fall in love again..I get the joy of rediscovering you..oh boy…you stand by me..I’m forever yours…Faithfully..”_

Eventually Sam and Bobby had found him, they pried Balthazar’s body out of his hands, and tried to get him to snap out of it. Though Dean was long gone.. there was no snapping him out of it, not yet. Though they had managed to drag him away. Though before they took him away, Dean had gotten the necklace that Balthazar always wore. Dean slipped it over his own head and pressed it close to his chest as Bobby and Sam dragged him out. 

Dean looked back one last time.. at the fallen angel he had failed to protect.. because everything he loves..always leaves, one way or another.


End file.
